Being Attractive Can Cost Iowans Their Jobs

December 25, 2012 by Leave a comment

A dentist acted legally when he fired an assistant that he found attractive simply because he and his wife viewed the woman as a threat to their marriage, the all-male Iowa Supreme Court ruled Friday. The court ruled 7-0 that bosses can fire employees they see as an “irresistible attraction,” even if the employees have not engaged in flirtatious behavior or otherwise done anything wrong.

–Associated Press

Irresistible
(to the tune of “Unforgettable,” by Irving Gordon,
popularized by Nat King Cole)

++++(Dentist James Knight)
Irresistible, you’re truly grand,
Irresistible. So, doll, you’re canned.
Female charms are unignorable.
Here’s the ax, ’cause you’re adorable,
You have to go because you are so

Irresistible in every way,
Irresistible, if you should stay.
That is why I stand here stating you
Get this pink slip, terminating you,
‘Cause I dream of fornicating with you.

++++(All-male Iowa Supreme Court)
Irresistible we found his case
Irresistible. She has no place
In his office looking glamorous.
It’s her fault that he is amorous.
So he wants to wham-bam-ma’am her? Us, too.

Filed under Politics, Verse Tagged with , ,

Fox News Commentator on the Benefits of Being on Food Stamps

November 27, 2012 by 2 Comments

Thin and Thick

I should try [living on food stamps] because do you know how fabulous I’d look? I’d be so skinny.

–Andrea Tantros, on Fox’s The Five, of which she is co-host

Yes, Andrea. A diet to try!
Here’s step one: leave your job. Say, “Bye-bye.”
Next step: spend all the money you’ve made.
Then apply for the government’s aid.
If that’s too much to follow precisely,
Just the first step will do very nicely.

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Wingnut Explanation of Women’s Vote

November 12, 2012 by Leave a comment

The Best Man

To a lot of women, they’re married to the government. The government is going to take care of them and their health care.

–Jeanine Pirro, on “The O’Reilly Factor,” explaining why single women voted for Pres. Obama

++My big, strong husband’s quite the prize.
++He’s not at all like other guys.
I know I’ll never need another man.
++He doesn’t hog the covers or
++Leave dirty socks strewn on the floor,
And never leaves the seat up on the can.

++To go pursue progressive thrills,
++I need my condoms and my pills,
But that’s no worry, ‘long as I’ve got Sam.
++I love him ’cause he gives me stuff.
++No other guy could give enough.
That’s just the kinda liberal gal I am.

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Dick Morris Explains Failure of Romney Landslide

November 8, 2012 by 4 Comments

Black Eye

The key reason for my bum prediction is that I mistakenly believed that the 2008 surge in black, Latino, and young voter turnout would recede in 2012 to “normal” levels. Didn’t happen.

–Dick Morris

Dick Morris speaking.

Dick Morris speaking. (Photo credit: markn3tel)

Don’t feel bad, Dick. Although it is true
You completely and thoroughly blew
++++Your prediction, I note:
++++That minorities vote
Mitt’s entire campaign forgot, too.

Filed under Mitt Romney, Politics, Pundits, Verse Tagged with ,

Election Day Thought

November 6, 2012 by Leave a comment

Revenge

The best revenge is voting,
Obama said. “Don’t boo.”
Republicans are quoting
The line and trying to
++++Convince us that
++++The man’s a rat
++++Who’s using hate
++++To motivate.

Read more of this post

Filed under Obama, Verse Tagged with ,

GOP Attacks Traitorous Christie

November 5, 2012 by Leave a comment

Chris Cursed

When Christie said, “It’s come in handy
To have Obama’s help with Sandy,”
His party yelled, “You can’t say that!
You jerk, you praised a Democrat!”

A year ago they prayed he’d run
And be their ticket’s number one.
But now they hate the dirty rat
Because he praised a Democrat.

They screamed to Mitt, “Choose Chris for Veep!”
Their screamings now we’d have to bleep.
He was distinguished. Now he’s fat
Because he praised a Democrat.

Hurricane Sandy Survey

Hurricane Sandy Survey (Photo credit: Talk Radio News Service)

Filed under Obama, Verse Tagged with , ,

Voting Rights: Maricopa County Struggles to Translate Numeral Into Spanish

October 28, 2012 by Leave a comment

Two Dates Are Better Than One

[A] Maricopa County… document [sent with] voter ID card[s lists the date of the upcoming election as] November 6th in English but in Spanish it reads 8 de Noviembre, the 8th of November.

–Tim Vetscher, abc15.com

The election is gonna be close.
Its conclusion we can’t diagnose.
++++So to all who would show
++++Civic spirit: Hello!
(Or to translate for you: Adios!)

Filed under Politics, Verse Tagged with , , , ,

Santorum on PBS Funding

October 8, 2012 by 5 Comments

I voted to kill Big Bird … That doesn’t mean I don’t like Big Bird. You can kill things and still like them, maybe to eat them.

–Rick Santorum

This was such a stupid thing to say, I couldn’t fit all the ridicule it deserved into a single poem. More than that, it was such a stupid thing to say, even Santorum realized it. I’ve come to believe that’s really unusual.

Can we go back on that one?

Three poems after the jump

Filed under Politics, Verse Tagged with , ,

Romney Vows to Protect… Money

September 29, 2012 by 1 Comment

Trust in Me

I will not take God off our coins.

–Mitt Romney

See God’s name on our money? I swear:
Elect me, it’ll always be there.
Under Romney you know
You’ll have God when you’ve dough.
(Though for some of you, that might be rare.)

Filed under Mitt Romney, Politics, Verse Tagged with

Bishop: Vote Right or Miss Out on Salvation

September 28, 2012 by 3 Comments

Just Sayin’

[P]lanks in the Democratic Party Platform… explicitly endorse intrinsic evils. … I am not telling you which party or which candidates to vote for or against, but…a vote for a candidate who promotes actions or behaviors that are intrinsically evil… makes you morally complicit and places the eternal salvation of your own soul in serious jeopardy.

–Bishop Thomas John Paprocki, Catholic Times

Now, it isn’t my business to tell
You the way you should vote. No hard sell.
But I do want to note:
Should you happen to vote
For the Dems, then you’ll go straight to hell.

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GOP Senate Candidate Solves Middle East Crisis

September 25, 2012 by Leave a comment

A Hairy Situation

When we get [Romney and Ryan] in you are going to see … that America is going to be respected again around the world. You’re going to see all this turmoil that’s taking place, you’re going to see them look up and say … we need to tone it down a little bit, because now we have real men in the White House. … No girly men.

–North Carolina State Sen. David Rouzer

The Manly Adventures of Manly Men

The Manly Adventures of Manly Men (Photo credit: C.M.)

 

The problems in the Middle East
Are no dilemma in the least.
Folks need to know they’ll be policed.
They’ll fall in line, you’ll see,
When we elect a manly beast.
Testosterone’s the key.

Those hooligans will cower then,
And praise our stellar might. Amen.
They’ll never yank our chain again.
They wouldn’t have the gall
When we kick out the girly men
And swear in Mitt and Paul.

Obama and Joe Biden seem
Too girly, earning no esteem.
They’re feminine in the extreme.
Electing them was dumb.
We should have picked the manly team
Of John McCain and… um.

English: Sarah Palin at the Time 100 Gala in M...

English: Sarah Palin at the Time 100 Gala in Manhattan on May 4, 2010 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

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Romney: Tax-Paying An Important Measure of Character

September 24, 2012 by 1 Comment

Revealing

There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what…, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them…These are people who pay no income tax.

–Mitt Romney

Mr. Romney should not throw a stone.
(And, boy, this one was awkwardly thrown!)
If one’s taxes reveal
What he claims, why the zeal
For refusing to show us his own?

Romney

Romney (Photo credit: Talk Radio News Service)

Filed under Mitt Romney, Politics, Verse Tagged with

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