Santorum on PBS Funding

I voted to kill Big Bird … That doesn’t mean I don’t like Big Bird. You can kill things and still like them, maybe to eat them.

–Rick Santorum

This was such a stupid thing to say, I couldn’t fit all the ridicule it deserved into a single poem. More than that, it was such a stupid thing to say, even Santorum realized it. I’ve come to believe that’s really unusual.

Can we go back on that one?

Brought to You By the Number Three

1. Heartfelt

A conservative has to be willing
To make cuts that the voters find chilling,
++++But I’m sure that we’ll find
++++That they don’t really mind,
Just as long as we like what we’re killing.

2. Mercy Killings

If you think for the good of the country
We should find things to kill, I say, “Yes!”
Let me offer a list of contenders
To consider before PBS:

The Bush tax cuts that go to the wealthy,
The defense systems no one will use,
Endless House votes to unreform health care,
Global-warming denial, Fox “news,”

The strange media thought that Ann Coulter
And Glen Beck and Rush Limbaugh are wits,
The belief that we’ll end the recession
If we cut all our programs to bits,

The idea Obama’s a Kenyan
Or a Muslim–or any attack
That’s designed to give dumb people cover
To be pissed that our President’s black–,

Veiled attempts to attack contraception,
Any partisan effort to teach
A religion as if it were science,
The idea that money is speech,

All this cynical voter suppression,
Big assault weapons, lies of all sorts,
And to save ourselves time in the future:
Just whatever Santorum supports.

3. Santorum Goes Wilde

Now, each man kills the thing he loves,
++++By each let this be heard.
Some do it with a bitter look,
++++Some with a flattering word.
The coward does it with a kiss.
++++The brave man eats Big Bird.